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xoxo, boissuq.com
Not referring to the novel written by Terry McMillan, nor the made for HBO movie starring Sanna Lathan and Wesley Snipes that bares the same name…
I am not talking about Chris Angel vanishing before one’s eyes, nor am I referring to the street magic of David Blaine…
Disappearing Acts…
Now you see him now you don’t. Where did he go? Was that my imagination? He could not have vanished right before my very eyes!
Why is it that when things seem to get real, bois seem to resort to disappearing acts? When he can’t take the heat…*poof* he’s gone…
Popping in and out might be alright if it were an illusion, but this is reality, a reality that happens all too often once things get to a point that he cannot handle, or he feels he’s no longer in control. You’re not popping on and out of a stage as a solo act…this is someone else’s life you’re manipulating.
He waves his hands and *poofs*…he disappears…
He was here, now*poof*… he’s gone…
One day you’re engaged in a deep tete-a-tete discussing what you mean to each other, what you’re willing to give one another, defining who you are to each other…the next day he’s not answering your calls, not responding to your texts, ignoring your emails…
One minute he’s telling you he feels the two of you share a kindred bond, the next minute his phone dies and you don’t hear from him in weeks…
Then he pops up (as out of thin air) saying, “I miss you?”
Well…
You’re not Siegfried and my name is not Roy…
I don’t fare well with Disappearing Acts.
Illusions are only temporary, the subject of the magic trick always returns…and eventually someone will reveal the truth behind the illusion.
This is not a show that I care to experience, front and center, best seat in the house…
So, don’t be surprised when your performance goes unappreciated…no sounding round of applause upon reappearance.
The W’s are the men that we’re truly feeling, but our sight is clouded by an element of uncertainty…they seem to always leave you asking why, who, what, where, when…
The H’s…well those are the men that don’t stand a chance in “H”, yet their delusions of grandeur cause them to believe they have what you need…
Mr. Why…
Why me? Why NOT me?
Why did I entertain the thought of going there? Why didn’t I go there?
Why didn’t I seize my opportunity? Better yet…why didn’t he?
Mr. Who…
Who is he to assume that he can go there with me? Who is he to think that I will give him want he wants?
Who is he to believe that I will fall for that?
Who is he? Who is he to me?
Who I am to him?
Mr. What…
What is he thinking? What is he doing? What is his issue?
What does he want? What does he want from me? What do I want from him?
What can we build together?
Mr. Where…
Where did he come from? Where did he disappear off to?
Where is this going? Where does he want this to go? Where do I want this to go?
Where am I going to allow myself to go with him?
Mr. When…
When is he going to come around?
When are we going to finally get it together? When are we going to be together?
When will he let go? When will I let go?
Mr. H…
How in the “H” did he get here?
How in the “H” did he think he had a chance?
How in the “H” does he think we’re supposed to make this work?
How in the “H” do I get rid of him?!
is it?
if i hear anyone say that one more time i am going to scream!
what exactly does that mean? “it’s complicated…”
relationships are not complicated–actually they are extremely simple. it’s all the stuff that comes with the relationship that makes it complicated. if you like me and i like you and we want to figure out what that means…then all we have to do is hang out and be cool, and see where the road takes us. its only when people start asking questions:
is that your boyfriend?
are y’all dating?
is he the one?
that things begin to get jacked up…however, it’s not just their questions…sometimes its t’s the ones you have yourself:
is this my boyfriend/girlfriend?
are we dating or just hangin’?
is he/she the one?
as lovely as it is to just hang out…at a certain point, somethings have to be made clear…
for example, we can get in the car and just “ride” however, after about an hour or two, somebody might want to ask if there is a destination for this trip. unfortunately, too many people are either too busy trying to avoid that question, or too okay with just “riding along” and then it happens…it all breaks lose because nothing is clear:
i think ilove you…but you love me?
i spent the night…am i the only one?
we have matching shirts…are we a couple?
we txt all day, every day…is this a da** relationship?
don’t look at me like that…you know you still have questions that haven’t been answered–girls and bois alike.
why don’t we have answers? why do we just ride along and sit there getting madder and madder because aint’ nobody told you the deal, and you’re too afraid to ask…so then you go looking for signs and testing people to see how they react.
WARNING! if you are testing someone that has no clue they are being tested…they are doomed to FAIL. message! so, stop being silly… just tell the girl you think she’s best thing that ever happened to you…just tell him that you want to be more than a friend (or a friend with benefits) blah blah blah…
geesh! we’re too old to be sitting around trying to figure out other grown folks…ya feel me?
all you quasi (that means you seem to be–but you’re not) couples need to take about 2 minutes and be honest. tell each other if this is a relationship or the relationship (or whatever). just think how much better things will be when we stop playing games and start getting real. and the cherry on the pie…you can avoid all the conversations with your friends and your cuttin and ‘nem about “how you don’t know what the _____ is going on with them,” AND all the questions and side eyes from those around you (who by the way…have no business of their own…which is why they stay in yours!)
and in the end you’ll figure out that it’s not really all that…
…COMPLICATED!
If you read this previous post you know that my former neighbor (He Who Shall Remain Nameless) was somewhat of a nuisance. However, that’s not how the story ends…One summer night homeboy took the insanity to an all time high.
Today is apparently his birthday, and for some reason he got it in his head that I would want to spend the day with him. He knocked on my door this past Thursday (I had only been home from work like 15mins)and I did not answer. Last night around 9pm I left my apartment, and when I returned at 11:30 pm I hear “Hi Neighbor”. This all too familiar voice seemed to come from behind the bushes. I turned around to see HWSRN standing in the pool area (I always park near the pool. He was sitting out by the pool waiting for me to return home. He mentioned that he looked out his window and did not see my car anymore. He then informed me that he knocked on my door the other day, and had the nerve to say that he did not knock again because he did not want to be a “bug-a-boo”. Well to late “You a bug-a-boo…You buggin what? You buggin who? You buggin me, and you know it ain’t cool!”
HWSRN took it upon himself to buy 2 tickets to Schlitterbahn Waterpark for the day. He assumed that I wanted to get in the car with him, take an hour and a half ride, and spend the day with him because it is his birthday. Stop the Insanity!.
Fellas, I know I previously stated that I like an assertive man, and confidence is always sexy…but there is a thin line between self assurance and being delusional. If you meet a lady, and you decide you want to get to know her…then let her know…
However, do not try to force your way into her life. There is probably a reason for her resistance…persistence might do the trick, but you need to know when and how to walk away, with your head held up high, like a man…without acting like some crazy desperate lunatic stalker!
Slow and steady may win the race, but you have to be a contestant in the race to begin with. Don’t assume you’ve won the prize…especially if you have not done anything to merit the reward. Just because you think she wants you, does not make it so
now some will call this post mean, and i will disagree. however, i am still in shock over this man’s lame attempt to “save me.” not from am impoverished life or from babydaddies and bad weave, but from–get this–my life! correction–from the routine of my life. and let me add, of which he knows NOTHING about…
let’s be clear…the reality is…he truly has nothing to bring to the table…so he’s covertly on a mission to position himself as the person who rescues me from my regimented and routine life, while we together explore the dynamic world of you thinking that you’ve captured an accomplished “honey” that will forever adore you because you exposed me to fun.
did you hear that? it’s the world smallest violin…
ok, seriously?
actually, i knew it was going all wrong when he said, in his “i know i’m a pimp voice,”
i see how you could intimidate alot of men, but i am a real man, and you don’t scare me.
really? apparently i do. otherwise, why make such a statement. and, apparently, i’ve been “intimidating” young and old men alike since about the age of puberty–so needless to say, i’m over it! so, please get some original material because that show is in syndication. however, i think that was supposed to be the statement that transformed me from a consummate professional to a consummate idiot.
and why in the world would the fact that i have a schedule–and a busy one at that–mean that i don’t have fun? how did we make such an assumption in the nano-seconds i let you burn up my unlimited minutes…
i guess because that’s all he has to give me…fun times. thanks, but i have friends for that…ooh! was that ugly? i hope not. i mean to say that i’ve known you for 1…2…3…4…5…(you get the point) minutes, and the only proposition that you can come up with is that you are not fearful of me, and willing to bring the fun (that i must be missing-duh!) into my life.
really?
okay, i must be missing something…i’ll get back to you once my hindsight kicks in.
…busy, boring, yet accomplished woman party of one…your table with andre is ready…
YIKES!
Don’t screw it.
Take me in your arms, look me in the eyes, and tell me how sexy my mind is…work to build that connection with me that allows us to become as one…sensuality is a mentality…allow our minds to intertwine with a heightened sense of passion…when you make love to my mind you got me…all of me. Tell me how good I am to you, tell me how much you love the way I move…make love to my mind…gently whisper sweet nothings in my ear, as we share each others space, chemistry is in place, as we create the formula…make love to mind…connect with my inner essence…
Sincerity is the greatest foreplay, once I trust you, you have me…all of me.
Make love to my mind…
Don’t screw it…
Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear…need to hear, in order for you to get want you want…what you need from me. Don’t lie to me to serve your selfish purposes. Don’t insult my intelligence by playing mind games and trying to make me believe that we’re more than we truly are…don’t come at me one minute saying “never”, just to call out in the heat of the moment “promising forever”. Don’t pick what part of me is acceptable…bending me over because you can’t look me in the eye…teasing me, moving in and out, not allowing yourself to connect with my inner essence…
A quickie is a momentary fix…a love making session is what makes a lasting impression.
Make love to my mind…
Don’t screw it…
And when I look at you I will see the truth…feeling orgasmic sensations at the very thought of you.
Here, I stated how I prefer for the man to be an aggressor. However, there is such a thing as “too aggressive”. Remember, If I want you, I will slow down…stop…and allow you to tag me!
When is it crossing the line of being a friendly, trying to get to now me better, to just down right stalker?
This guy moved into the apartment next to me this past May. The first time I saw him was on Labor Day walking up the stairs as I was going down, with baby mama and kids in tow. After this occurrence, I noticed that he would open his door as I was approaching the top of the stairs, peep out, and then abruptly close the door (probably because I was giving him one of my “What the hell do you want” looks). About a month ago on a Friday at approximately 10:30pm , he opened the door as I was approaching the top of stairs tugging groceries. He said “I knocked on your door last night but I guess you were not home”. I then gave him my “why in the hell are you knocking on my door” look and he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to make sure that his music was not that loud because some one had complained. I informed him that if it were too loud I would let him know, and then he proceeded to try to make small talk. But actually all he succeeded to do was weird me out. He informed me that he has been watching my coming and goings and that he has noticed I am never home. He also made a comment about my friend, “C’ who was with me the first day I saw my new neighbor with baby mama and kids in tow. I gave him this look of bewilderment because I forgot all about that day and was trying to recall what he was talking about…so pretty much he assumed that “C” could not have been my man. I was trying to be neighborly and had a brief conversation with him, but I had a handful of groceries that I needed to put away, so I politely excused myself and went inside my apartment. Five minutes later I hear a knock on my door…I am on the phone with my mother and I let her know that she is not to hang up! I answer the door and of course it’s my neighbor (Who Shall Remain Nameless) asking me if I have a CD burner. I am now giving him my “Yeah, but you can’t borrow it” look and he then says “Oh no, I don’t want to use it, I just have a lot of cd’s and you can come over and see if there are any you would like to burn.” I gave him a thumbs up, waved good-bye and closed the door.
Since this first incident HWSRN has knocked on my door on several occasions. He has even gone as far as asking me if I work two jobs because I never seem to be at home. He has invited me over several times to watch movies, but the problem is he waits until an inappropriate hour to knock on my door…and he always seems to have an alcoholic beverage in hand. I’ve asked if I could borrow the movie when he’s done, but this does not seem to be acceptable…he wants me to step inside his space to watch ATL…I don’t even like TIP like that, so my thought to that was “Heck to the Naw!” I don’t know you like that homie! I do not find this guy attractive…AT ALL…and he is really weirding me out. Dude even asked me if I would go to the new spot in town if he paid my cover, and had the nerve to tell me that I am not black “my skin is, but not on the inside”, because I am not attracted to his gold fronts and raggedy ol’ Cadillac! On my first encounter with HWSRN he told me that “I looked out of his league and he was afraid to talk to me.” Well, I don’t know when he drank his cup of courage (maybe that’s why he always has the alcohol in hand when knocking on my door), but he was right, I am out of his league, and I really do need him to leave me alone. My friends tell me not to open the door, but I really do not want homeboy to start acting crazy and overly aggressive. Stalking is not going to make me come around, but it may force me to get a restraining order!
Fellas, the last thing you want is to have us walking around singing, “I always feel like, somebody’s watching me”…
That’s not a good look!
